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Bush is Ahead in the Only Poll That Counts: The US Supreme Court's
WASHINGTON, DC — While polls conducted to measure how President Bush would fare against Democratic contenders in the election this November showed a tightening of the race, with several polls showing Kerry beating Bush, the President's political advisors were still confident that the President had a solid majority among US Supreme Court justices.
"Let's face it," said an administration political strategist who asked to be identified only as 'Karl,' "the real election won't be fought in Pennsylvania, Michigan or Florida. "We know we'll end up in a disputed result again and that this contest will be decided where it should be, in the US Supreme Court."
"We focused our resources on the Court, "said 'Karl.' "We've done a direct mailing campaign to the Justice's homes. We're running ads on the TV channels they watch. In order to make sure we reach Clarence Thomas, we've taken the unusual step of running ads on his favorite porno pay-per-view channel. We're also doing some pioneering campaigning over the internet. We're all over the sites Thomas visits -- you can guess what they are -- and we also have pop up ads on the women's lingerie sites that Anton Scalia regularly buys from."
"We're putting in place a field organization to get out the vote. We'll have limos and drivers standing by outside each of the Justices' homes to make sure they get to the court.
"Last time we won 9-0. This year, our private polls indicate we've slipped a bit, due to opposition to the Iraq war and resentment over having to sit through the State of the Union addresses, but we are still ahead 7-2. Come election day, there's only one poll that counts, and that the Supreme Court's."
