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Desperate Dean Bares Self to Wisconsin
FLINT, Michigan — Democratic presidential hopeful Howard Dean, struggling
to regain momentum in his waning campaign, shocked supporters again this
week during a musical rally featuring nimble-fingered crooner Justin
Timberlake.
The former Vermont governor turned heads late Tuesday during a musical
song & dance routine, bumping and grinding through a duet with Timberlake.
At the end of a song named 'Rock Your Candidate', Timberlake reached for
Dean and tore part of his white cotton/poly blend dress-shirt, exposing
his right breast to thousands of attendees.
Senators John Kerry and John Edwards both expressed outrage at what they
called "blatant 'flesh-for-votes' tactics". However, both Dean and
Timberlake said the breast-baring move was accidental, the result of a
"wardrobe malfunction".
Dean maintains that the lyrics sung by Timberlake, "Gonna have you naked
by the end of Wisconsin", were not a precursor to the outbreak of his
right breast. In a statement given shortly after the incident, Dean said
the decision to add a "compartment reveal" was made just before the
performance, but only his right breast pocket was to be removed.
Timberlake said he didn't have time to rehearse it before taking the stage
and was stunned by the outcome.
"I was under the impression that what was going to be revealed was a red
pocket protector," he said. "I mean, I was completely shocked and
appalled, and all I could say was 'Oh my God, Oh my God, it's Howard
Dean's man-breast!' It was almost as hideous as Janet Jackson's. I don't
even wanna think about his nipple-ring. Thank God the lights were shut off
quickly."
Despite the indignation expressed by both Kerry and Edwards, rumors have
begun to circulate involving a possible "televised, open-mouth kiss"
between the veteran Kerry and his younger opponent during next week's
primary.
FLINT, Michigan — Democratic presidential hopeful Howard Dean, struggling
to regain momentum in his waning campaign, shocked supporters again this
week during a musical rally featuring nimble-fingered crooner Justin
Timberlake.
