BONGO NEWS Satire. Parody. Jokes. FEBRUARY 11, 2004 Copyright © 2001-2017 Bongo News, Inc.
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Janet Jackson Dangles Her Breast Over Hotel Balcony
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Banner Ads We'd Like To See: Happy Valentine's Day
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Desperate Dean Bares Self to Wisconsin

FLINT, Michigan — Democratic presidential hopeful Howard Dean, struggling to regain momentum in his waning campaign, shocked supporters again this week during a musical rally featuring nimble-fingered crooner Justin Timberlake.

The former Vermont governor turned heads late Tuesday during a musical song & dance routine, bumping and grinding through a duet with Timberlake. At the end of a song named 'Rock Your Candidate', Timberlake reached for Dean and tore part of his white cotton/poly blend dress-shirt, exposing his right breast to thousands of attendees.

Senators John Kerry and John Edwards both expressed outrage at what they called "blatant 'flesh-for-votes' tactics". However, both Dean and Timberlake said the breast-baring move was accidental, the result of a "wardrobe malfunction".

Dean maintains that the lyrics sung by Timberlake, "Gonna have you naked by the end of Wisconsin", were not a precursor to the outbreak of his right breast. In a statement given shortly after the incident, Dean said the decision to add a "compartment reveal" was made just before the performance, but only his right breast pocket was to be removed. Timberlake said he didn't have time to rehearse it before taking the stage and was stunned by the outcome.

"I was under the impression that what was going to be revealed was a red pocket protector," he said. "I mean, I was completely shocked and appalled, and all I could say was 'Oh my God, Oh my God, it's Howard Dean's man-breast!' It was almost as hideous as Janet Jackson's. I don't even wanna think about his nipple-ring. Thank God the lights were shut off quickly."

Despite the indignation expressed by both Kerry and Edwards, rumors have begun to circulate involving a possible "televised, open-mouth kiss" between the veteran Kerry and his younger opponent during next week's primary.

Mark Fisher

Read these related stories:

Gore Endorses Dean, Who Immediately Sinks in the Polls (10-Dec-03)

Dean is Endorsed by Bill Bradley and the Imperial High Council of Mars (7-Jan-04)

Howard Dean Breaks Up With His Campaign Manager, Joe Trippi (4-Feb-04)

Bush Wants Captain Kangaroo Buried with Full Military Honors (28-Jan-04)

Britney Spears Marries Guy from 'Seinfeld' (7-Jan-04)

Gov. Pataki Pardons Lenny Bruce for Obscenity Conviction: "I'm F**king Sorry, Lenny" (31-Dec-03)

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